OMGSports!

Kevin Durant won the AP Player of the Year Award today, becoming the first Freshman to ever do that. Good for you, you little fuckhead, you've assured yourself of more money at 19 than I will ever see. I AM NOT BITTER.

"The 6-foot-9 swingman finished fourth in the country in scoring (25.8) and rebounding (11.1) while leading the Longhorns to a 25-10 record, the Big 12 tournament championship game and the second round of the NCAA Tournament.

Durant, the Big 12 player and freshman of the year, shot 47 percent from the field, 40 percent from 3-point range and 82 percent from the free-throw line. He averaged 36 minutes per game and led the Longhorns in steals and blocked shots. He had 20 double-doubles and scored at least 30 points a Big 12-record 11 times."

It's honestly just unfair to have this kid in the game. Have you ever played a basketball video game and created a player? Pushed all of his stats up to 99 for no reason? Do your friends allow this?

Well, yes, they do, but only because they immediately respond with their own team of massive, super-talented freakbots. So, my solution to the existence of Kevin Durant is, of course, the immediate creation of armies of genetically altered, superhuman mutants to play basketball. We'll feed them fish heads and name them after colors of the rainbow and our favorite television sitcom characters!

"Hey, Al Borland! Did you eat the basketball? THAT'S A BAD AL BORLAND MUTANT!"

Labels: Kevin Durant, NCAA Basketball