OMGSports!

Dana Altman, recently introduced as the new head basketball coach at the University of Arkansas, threw down a smoke bomb and screamed "SEE YOU IN HELL, CLOWNS!" recently, abruptly ending his one day tenure at the program.

Altman, who was the coach at Creighton University until his aforementioned trip to Indecision Retard City, will return to his former job, red-faced with his pants down, a pool of rancid shit pooling at his feet.

"I want duh jobby I done done," he'll mutter. "Let me done do duh jobby job!"

And the massive, protective arms of Creighton University will welcome him back tearfully, hoping against hope that her retarded, abusive basketball coach won't go whoring around to other colleges as soon as her back is turned.

Labels: Arkansas, Creighton, idiots, NCAA Basketball

More than seven ecstatic fans celebrated long past 8 pm last night as Tennessee won their seventh national women's basketball championship. Fans in the arena to watch the Lady Vols defeat Rutgers, 59-46, were raucous, if confused.

""I don't understand why they're not baking anything," local security officer Max Thompson said, scratching his head and cradling a Hustler in one hand. "How the hell are we supposed to eat? And how are they doing all that running without the babies fallin' out their stomachs?""

Local officials remained stunned by the Tennessee roster's apparent ability to cast aside traditional laws of science to go more than ten minutes without either producing baked goods or having a baby. A new, terrifying generation of superwomen is upon us.

God help us all.

Labels: NCAA Basketball, women