OMGSports!

There's no way to dress this up with the English language, folks. The Colts were hammered by the Jags Sunday, 44-17. To be honest with you, "hammered" doesn't really do the experience justice. Perhaps "Brutally Raped In A Prison Laundry Room With A Hammer" is a little more accurate. Tell it, Len Pasquarelli:

"Ever seen one of those Roadrunner cartoons when eternal foil Wile E. Coyote is inevitably flattened into pancake status by the bulldozer he has purchased from the Acme Novelty Co.? On Sunday, the Colts fielded an entire unit of Wile E. Coyote defenders. And they all played as if they were trying out their best Venus de Milo poses. You know, no arms."

Man, when you're burned by a douche like Len Pasquarelli through the use of Looney Tunes references and Venus de Milo shoutouts, it might just be time to give up football and look into something a little less stressful as a career option. Maybe lazily picking flowers in a sunlit meadow with hopping bunnies, buzzing honeybees, and singing choirs of rosy-cheeked cherubs is more your speed, guys. You won't get, you know, kicked in the fucking teeth on national television doing that, so it's probably more up your alley.

Have I mentioned nothing makes me happier than the idea of Peyton Manning in ten years, without a championship, stuck in a CBS analyst job, trying to force the same smile that we see in Dan Marino right now?

"Don't worry guys, they're not saying boo, they're saying mooooooooovers."

Fucking douchebag.

ps, there's no better source of entertainment than the message board of shocked Colts fans. I'm doing cartwheels of joy.

Labels: Colts, NFL, Peyton Manning