OMGSports!

Red Sox slugger Manny Ramirez (pictured above, charmingly befuddled and lost in a Kansas cornfield where he is believed, according to Sox officials, "...to be off chasing something shiny.") will not report to Spring Training on time. This is according to dickweed target of fan hatred fan favorite Julian Tavarez, who says that Manny is off tending to his mother while she goes under the knife for some surgery.

""He's been going through a tough time because of his mom; they told her that she had a tumor and it wasn't a tumor, but she had surgery between her ribs and she's home right now recovering and Manny's out there with his mom," Tavarez told MLB.com.

Tavarez told MLB.com that both Ramirez and his mother are both currently in Weston, Fla.

Boston's manager, Terry Francona, said this was news to him, according to The Boston Globe."

Surgery "between the ribs" is rumored amongst doctors to be the most difficult surgery in all of the annals of medicine, trailing only Partial Brain Implosionoscopy in terms of sheer difficulty.

Sox manager Terry Francona, meanwhile, vowed to members of the media to "...finally get around to putting a fucking bell on Manny. He gets lost every goddamn five minutes; I can't leave him alone without worrying he'll wander off after a interesting-looking piece of trash and then forget to eat for four days."

Labels: Manny Ramirez, MLB, Red Sox, Terry Francona