OMGSports!

As a professional sports league, the NBA has to be careful to cultivate a marketable, fan-friendly image. Players have to be talented, and yet accessible and articulate, as well. Also, you've gotta fucking love the happy sauce. Enter Heat rookie guard Robert Hite:

" Heat rookie Robert Hite was charged with driving under the influence early Sunday, and missed Miami's game against Dallas.

According to the Miami Beach Police report, which was first obtained by Miami television station WSVN, an officer detected a "strong odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath" after the player was stopped for speeding. The report also said Hite's eyes were bloodshot and his speech slurred.

Hite was processed and released on $1,000 bond at about 2 p.m., Miami-Dade Corrections spokeswoman Janelle Hall said. Hite was not at the arena for the Heat's game, which began at 1 p.m.

"I don't know anything about it. I don't know where he is," Heat interim coach Ron Rothstein said Miami's 99-93 loss. "That's all I can tell you. I don't know. I'm going to try to find out. I'm concerned but as of right now I don't know what the deal is." "

The best part about this isn't that Robert Hite slammed back fifteen bottles of everclear and then went careening recklessly around the streets of Miami. No, the best part is Ron Rothstein throwing his hands up and simply HAVING NO IDEA WHERE ONE OF HIS PLAYERS IS. I feel amazed to say this and not be talking about the Clippers or the Trailblazers, but we might have to start putting electronic ankle bracelets on players to keep them in line.

And when they get a certain distance away from their hotel or from the basketball arena, they get pounded by 500,000 volts of white-hot electricity. It's called tough love, people. We've got to communicate with the young men of our nation, and we've got to do it by killing them with sudden shock treatment on the streets.

Labels: Miami Heat, NBA